98 Days left: Today I would like to talk about motivation, which I find hilarious bc I haven’t been “motivated” to write in several days! Bwahahahah. I could go on and on about all the crazy things that happen when you’re trying to parent 5 kids alone, like an IPod being dropped in a toilet, like a glass jar of olive oil (extra virgin too $$) breaking on the floor in the middle of the all the other grocery bags, like my 8 yr old son hitting a metal pole with his tooth and knocking out half of it, like a cultural misunderstanding that lands us spending Easter with no family, like being so “busy” I don’t read my bible or pray, ICEE’s exploding on white shirts, drinks spilling at WalMart in the produce section, but I won’t bore you with all those silly, little details. Ok, OK, seriously I have to share my God moment tonight. I was driving to my “A Mom After God’s Own Heart” church group and sulking because of the crappy day I had experienced when the truth slammed me in the face – My house is a mess BECAUSE we have one, dishes are in my sink BECAUSE we have $ to buy food, my kids are driving me bonkers BECAUSE I have the privilege to homeschool this semester. What right do I have to sulk when I have everything I need and could want!! I don’t! And here I was driving by myself, kids home safe with a babysitter to talk “Mom talk” with another Sister in Christ! Seriously I was ashamed at that moment and adjusted my attitude. Consequently I had a great time with my friend and we encouraged each other quite a bit. As I was driving home I had one of those “God” moments, where it feels like God just places a whole thought process right in your brain. I hope you don’t think I’m crazy because that’s really how God speaks into my life. He created me and He knows best how to “speak” to me :) As I was thinking about how encouraged/motivated I felt after my visit I thought again about my recent struggles with motivation. These are not your everyday, “Oh I just feel lazy today” kind of things, I’m talking about a deep down, I don’t have any fight left in me, stick a fork in me I’m done kind of demotivation!! Nothing I have tried has helped. I might improve for a day, but never two in a row. The next day I feel beat down even worse than before. The gut-wrenching honesty about this is, there is no one else to take my place…even for a minute. There’s no one to lift my burden…even just one of them. So as the lack of motivation got worse and worse so did my downward death spiral (pardon the aviation pun, my awesome DH is an aviator.) So here’s what God then drops into my mind: What used to motivate you? Things like what would someone else think? What if someone else was watching? I don’t want people to pass quick judgements on me! I want people to think I’m a good Mom, housekeeper, teacher…. Then God reminds me of a prayer I said a LONG time ago, “God help me to not be motivated by what others will think because it makes me wishy washy! I want to have a firm grasp on who I am and what I’m doing.” Then He brings the thought process full circle by saying, “I’ve removed ALL extrinsic motivations!!” Dictionary.com defines extrinsic as “not essential or inherent.” Duhhhhhhh, that explains why I feel the way I do. Then I have to realize that my true motivation should come from Him, so by my actions I have told our Precious Savior He wasn’t motivating enough! Sorry God your just not worth doing a good job. I’m not motivated enough to put reading Your Word and praying at the top of my list! Wow talk about a “God” moment. I always know it’s from God because His word says He doesn’t come to condemn us but to encourage us with the truth! How beautiful and majestic is our God! He loves us so much that He continues to refine us and shape us into the beautiful creations He made :) So my challenge to you is: What motivates you? What masks do you wear to shape how people see you? If we continue to wear masks to hide who God has created, how can they see God in us? They can’t!